Damage Limitation

(Read on, or view here: https://youtu.be/LmASSFZj7Vg )

The Prime Minister’s looking on the front foot for a change, thanks to his trade agreements with India and America, and a better deal with the European Union to be unveiled in just over a week. But Nigel Farage’s spectacular wins at the local elections have left the ground in front of him dangerously churned up. Keir Starmer's facing stark choices.

No question, the new trade agreements with India are good for Britain, as the cuts in import duties are set to boost our fortunes by five billion pounds a year.

A bit of a detail that some Indian workers and companies will get a tax concession. But a classic case of poor salesmanship that that aspect made more headlines than the money.

Starmer tried harder to get the optics right with his American bargain, and, credit where it’s due, he has succeeded where four other Prime Ministers failed to get anywhere.

It’ll also turn into a nice little earner, notably for the UK’s car manufacturers. And will ease pressure on steel and aluminium producers.

Proof, surely, that his strategy of turning a blind eye to Donald Trump’s every idiotic, cruel and counterproductive act seems to have done the trick.

Except that we’re still left worse off than we were before the man made it to the White House and embarked on his one-man mission to wreck the world economy.

Maybe the new, American, Pope will set him straight instead.

Before he got the top god job he managed a fair few jibes at his countryman. And unlike others who’d like to but daren’t state the obvious, he’s not vulnerable to The Donald’s petulance.

Meantime, British right-wing newspapers have been crowing about how our new partnerships prove what a good thing Brexit was. Trump joined in that chorus.

But what they’re all conveniently overlooking is that concessions we’re eking out here and there are small beer next to the membership that we forsook of the world’s largest trade network.

Those same Tory outlets are also frantically blowing their dog whistles about how Starmer’s trying to sneak back into the European Union via his upcoming so-called ‘reset’.

On the other side of the coin is the Governor of the Bank of England, Andrew Bailey, who’s paid to have a more grounded view of such things.

And, as far as he’s concerned, it’s a no-brainer. Of course we need to do ‘everything we can … to rebuild’ trade relations with Europe, he says. He should know, because he does the maths.

In point of fact, Starmer’s doing his utmost to tie it all in with improved security and intelligence sharing, vital to everyone’s safety.

We’re already halfway there, given the leading role he’s been taking over trying to rescue Ukraine from the claws of the Kremlin, essential given Trump’s obvious soft spot for Putin.

The minerals deal that Volodymyr Zelensky’s stitched up with the Americans will give them some vested interest in keeping the Russians out. But it’s hardly a guarantee.

Solidarity is key. Which brings Nigel Farage neatly into the frame.

His little cadre of MPs has just been boosted by big numbers of councillors, who’re learning that they’re up against local authorities on their uppers. Thanks to historic but massive funding cuts.

But while that means they can’t really make much difference they can do some things for free. Like taking down the Ukrainian flags that’d been flying outside town halls.

So much for backing the besieged country then. But it’s part of a broader undercurrent of giving the finger to Johnny Foreigner.

The party’s first Mayor, Andrea Jenkyns, has called for migrants to be moved out of hotels into tents, to show there’s: ‘An end to soft touch Britain.’

And newly elected councillor Joel Tetlow posted an image of Hitler overlooking a map of Europe and comparing his planned invasion of Britain to asylum seekers’ small boats crossing the Channel.

But aside from the obvious oddball problem, Farage will also have policy inconsistencies to iron out.

For rather delicious example, though he claims to be determined to stamp out council employees working from home his party’s just advertised nine jobs offering just that.

But the fact remains that the latest YouGov poll puts Reform on its highest rating yet, a clear seven points in front of Labour. The Tories, meanwhile, are only one notch ahead of the Lib Dems.

Little wonder then that another survey suggested that the punters don’t expect either Starmer or the Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch to be in charge come the general election.

But perhaps more useful intelligence comes from analysis that points to Labour having just lost more votes at the beginning of this month to the Greens and LibDems than to Reform.

That matters a lot because right now Starmer’s under immense and conflicting pressures from different wings of his party to change direction.

On the one hand, voices demanding a sharp right turn, to head off the Reform threat, are getting louder.

A policy paper on immigration that’s due out this week might give a clue how much they’re being listened to in Downing Street.

But there’s also more and more talk of looming rebellions from left-leaning MPs, who want the government to tear up spending constraints and splash out on welfare.

They point to how badly welfare cuts have played with voters they’ve spoken to, and singled out the axing of the winter fuel allowance for nearly all pensioners as the biggest grievance.

That grumble’s clearly hit home, to the extent that there was talk for a while of maybe modifying it.

The suggestion was then firmly trampled on by Number Ten. But the very fact that it gained any traction at all is indicative of just how seriously the plea’s been taken.

That said, the way the answer looked like being a yes before turning into a no was a classic case of news mismanagement.

As the Times sketchwriter Tom Peck put it, this was the: ‘Political equivalent of telling a five-year-old that, OK, yes, fine, they can have a chocolate biscuit, and then changing your mind.’

Daresay the dog or the cat would have something to say about it too. As to what exactly, a group of boffins just might be on the verge of finding out.

The owner of China’s biggest search engine has patented a system that gathers the sounds or psychological signals that animals make and tries to analyse them, with the help of artificial intelligence.

There’ve already been videos of dogs appearing to use buttons on little mats to share their thoughts with their owners.

But, if it does get anywhere, this new research would take the whole thing to another level altogether.

Assuming so, good taste precludes any guesses here as to what Fido might have to say about getting the treat offered, then taken away. Or any dear little Moggie’s response to a bowl of cream so cruelly withdrawn.

Suffice it to say they’d probably both decide that that sort of behaviour really does take the biscuit. Or very rude words to that effect.